‘Living the dream’ AKA being a business owner has provided me with both the highest highs and lowest lows of experiences. I am writing this blog thinking, do I deliver the ‘shit’ sandwich of the best, then the worst, then the best experiences I have had?
I never thought Id be spending every waking hour, alone. F#$%ing working every minute of the day, 7 days a week, to keep myself afloat. The friends drop off, people stop ringing, no one asks how you are… Because you are missing. You have vanished to everyone, except to the customer… The consumer… my face appears on the bloody regular via facebook live videos! My video watchers know me better than my inner circle at the moment. They know I wear odd socks, they know I still haven’t unpacked my bag from Bali… Then know I failed my cleanse last week with a coffee relapse. I have not had these conversations with those closest too me. Unless they have watched my videos, which I am not sure they have.
Being a business owner is a lonely place. My interactions are limited to those who I help every day and who I get out of bed for. But they all need something from me, help, support, guidance, high fives. I also connect with the business world, the staff, the fellow business owners who know what I am going through in pursuit of ‘the ultimate’. Living my life on my terms. I have placed so much value in the people who I seek to support my business and for this, it has also caused me the greatest pain and upset. People are not me. Their passion is not the same and nor do they care about my business in the same way I do. They say that the more you want something the more you are willing to endure to get it. Some days I wonder whether I have made a mistake, because I just want to sit on the couch for an hour and watch TV. But I can’t. I have to be relentless.
I was walking out of the clinic the other day wondering why my toes were so sore. My toenails were so long they had been digging into my shoes. Shit, thats right. You gotta cut your toenails even though your running a business. I had a laugh with a business mate the other day about the fact my clothes on the line were about to unhook themselves and walk inside in protest, they had been out there so long. Same goes for not brushing my hair for three days last week when I lost my brush and had to buy a new one. Aint got time for datttt.
I keep getting messages from people saying “your killing it” business wise. What they don’t see is the isolation, the fatigue, the head banging moments when I can’t pay bills or am sweating on some sort of outcome. But it all turns full circle when I have ‘the interactions’. I seriously just spoke with a man who interrupted me writing this blog actually. Right in this moment. He said he has been watching my videos and he loves that I am ‘me’. He said that he was fascinated the other day by the post I made about helping a guy who was trying to help a pensioner with her house that was falling down. But what surprised him most was that I was walking around in the dark at 6am in the morning, alone and on the street whilst filming my plight to help the guy.
Its the human rollercoaster. I was just getting all Neggo Nancy and this bloke just dropped out the sky, literally just walked into my office. Its a sign that I need to keep going. I get these little signs all the time, often when Im wondering what the heck I have got myself into. I think I am writing this blog about the ‘realness’ of life. That its not always how you see things on the internet or in videos. That we all go through trials and tribulations. We all have doubts and cop psychological face punches, but it is us who decides how we are going to rise against the challenges. So next time you see me walking around the streets of ‘G’ Town in the dark, filming, know that I am giving it my all and trying to motivate people. I have also walked down the same street crying my eyes out, feeling tired, scared and wondering where my life is heading. Then I step in dog shit and know its another sign. Its all part of the game called life.
So one day I will trim my toenails, when I got the time…
Your Lady Claw Lover
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