Bog Eyes


The last 3 years of my life have been a blur of busy-ness. But its getting to the point of hilarious ridiculousness. I actually cannot see out of my glasses right now, as I haven’t had an eye test in about 6 years and currently have zero time to get not only an eye test but buy a new pair of glasses.

Last week when I was away on business the busy-ness crunch really took a turn for the worst, my housekeeper decided to move on from her role as Keeper of Psych Chrissy. This meant that I was literally f$#@ed. Hard. For the last 2 years, this woman had ensured I had clean undies everyday. And now, I was staring down the barrel of reverse undie wearing. Like, Im not even lying.

I sat in the office with my mobile in hand wondering what the heck I was going to do. I know peeps, first world probs, but for someone that cant see out their eyes and cannot seek optometry assistance due to ‘limited time’ I was in some serious sh%$. I have many ‘helpers’ that make my world turn, and the Grand Poo Ba just left the building.

My work colleagues laughed as they knew the tale of helpers that often did not make the distance with Psych Chrissy… Many accountants, book keepers, a gardener or two, but this helper was a critical one! “I have not even used my own washing machine in the last 2 years”, I mumbled to myself as I got home and rifled through the laundry cupboard to check I had washing detergent.

The beeps of the washing machine continued to infuriate me as I took business call after call, wishing it would just expel all the clothes, dry them and put them all away. Then I started making call after call… ‘Hello, Im just looking for a person to run my whole life, could you be the lucky person?’. The cleaners I called thought I was f^%%ing bonkers. No we dont do washing. Silence when I asked if they put clothes away, in their right spots, and folded the toilet paper over to make it pretty after cleaning. No vacancy. It cant be this hard to find someone to look after a lady child who works too much.

I am proud to announce that yesterday…. I found my lady. The Braveheart who has decided to take on the challenge of Psych Chrissy life. I apologise in advance for my fur children dragging my clothing throughout the house and depositing it under the bed, desk, tables, anywhere they want to sleep whilst Im not home. Dont open the fridge either. I am pretty sure theres a piece of chicken in there (not even made by me of course) that has been growing arms and legs since last year. I really must take that out this weekend….

Anyway, so crisis averted…. for now. I still cant see, and need a mobile optometrist to chase me around and retest my eyes whilst I hustle and take calls, but baby steps. For now, Im happy with clean undies again…

Your Non House Trained

Busy Psych Chrissy

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